River of Doubt

Okay so we had this wonderful review from someone I had come to admire, Dr. Seager. Not only has he worked in mental health for a very long time but he wrote about it and even did a film about our broken mental health system.

A lot of people would agree that it is indeed broken, but not know what the next steps are? Here is something personally that helped me gain some type of sanity.

Being loved and understood. Now the things that helped were, yes meds but more importantly safety and unconditional love. Being supported and treated by a community has helped me come to terms with my mental illness. A lot of people do not understand because most of the time I do a pretty good job of faking sanity. Like I will have severe delusions and voices telling me things that are so scary and inappropriate that I cannot even talk about it on here. At the time while this is going on I am filled with anxiety and dread, especially for the future. Things look dire and sad – and scary. During these times the paranoia and delusions take over and it feels as though I am a Jewish person during the Holocaust, everyone is out to get me. And though part of me knows this it is not true it feels as though it is. So I have family I go to when I cannot tell reality from the lies and they give me a reality check by telling me that what I am hearing, feeling and thinking is not true. They do not punish or reject me because my mind is not working like theirs, or what I am feeling is ridiculous and should not be talked about. They do not kick me out or threaten my environment because I am sick. I am thankful for this and because of it I have regained some of my sanity. I go to support groups where I do not feel alone because of my illness, other people experience the things I go through in some way or another. A lot of people blame drugs or alcohol on why a person is on the streets or is not getting better in the mental health system and though it does contribute to a person’s overall mental health, getting to the root of why they use is your best bet. “I feel like a failure” blah blah blah I could go for days on this issue but substance abuse is not what I’m concentrating on in this post. It takes a lot of work, there are no short cuts in helping someone get better mentally. A lot of times people just want to push you on someone else or some other resource, I have been there. I can think of several instances where mental health support was just used as a tactic to make the person feel who is sick feel like it’s all their fault for having this illness-shame, shame mentally ill, that’s what has happened to us for thousands of years.

“Everybody’s happy, everybody’s free…keep the big door open everyone will come around, why are you different? Why are you that way? If you don’t get in line – we’ll lock you away.”—DMB

And so because of my illness and the stigma associated with it. I tried to hide it.  Thinking that if I was who I was on the inside no one would love me or support me. I never have been so glad to be wrong.